My Rememberings

Not "Why" , but "How"

2010-08-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday mornings tend to tetor on the disastrous side of life ... especially lately. The past few weeks I remember looking in the mirror while I applied a bit of make-up and smoothed out some hairs, just before running out the door to get to church on time. That moment of quiet I take for myself, looking in the mirror at myself, leads to some reflection.

Today ended up being the worst morning of them all ... I've hardly slept for four nights in a row, the boys got outside and were running down the street in their pajamas while I was getting dressed, and an entire pitcher of kool-aid spilled all over the kitchen floor (just to mention a few events).

UGH!

That might have been the end of my rope.

But, we forged on, with a light mopping of the kitchen floor and digging out the church clothes that are hiding in all sorts of nooks and crannies as we suddenly find ourselves remodeling the basement.

Really, I could have just blamed it all on a lingering cough (which is the culprit for my recent lack of sleep) and called it a day.

Strangely enough, the thought never even entered my mind today. As I sat there looking in the mirror, taking a few minutes to get myself ready, a thought came to mind. I realized that when things were just ridiculous at times, I didn't start questioning "WHY" ... I just went straight to "HOW".

* How am I going to get us all to church on time?
* How am I going to deal with 2 insanely wild boys in the process?
* How am I going to keep them from burning down the house while I am showering?
* How am I going to get there?

I am so grateful that I already answered the "WHY" years ago, because if that was the question I was asking myself each Sunday morning, I don't know that I would be the right frame of mind to get the answer I needed. Fortunately I asked that question years ago and found my answer. And once that is answered, it never needs to be revisited. I know "WHY". I know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me. I know that His Son is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Brother, my Friend. I know that when I follow the path that they have shown me, I will find happiness, I will feel the spirit and I will learn and grow from the experience. I also know that sometimes the path is hard, but it isn't ever impossible.

I also know that when I am floundering in a sea of "HOW's", that a simple prayer will provide more strength and support than I could ever imagine possible.

Now, there have been days where I let something keep us home from church, but I also know that there could have been a whole lot more.

So, we'll keep on working through these wonder years and I'll just keep in mind that it isn't ever going to get easier, but I will get to the point where grape Kool-aid isn't spilling all over my kitchen while I am getting dressed for church. And if it does happen again, a couple of towels will get me right back on track.

Note to self: No more Kool-aid on Saturdays!!!

Finding Strength Beyond My Own

2010-02-28T16:09:00.000-08:00

Savior, may I learn to love thee,

Walk the path that thou hast shown,

Pause to help and lift another,

Finding strength beyond my own.

Savior, may I learn to love thee—

Lord, I would follow thee.

Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly?

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can’t see.

Who am I to judge another?

Lord, I would follow thee.

I would be my brother’s keeper;

I would learn the healer’s art.

To the wounded and the weary

I would show a gentle heart.

I would be my brother’s keeper—

Lord, I would follow thee.

Savior, may I love my brother

As I know thou lovest me,

Find in thee my strength, my beacon,

For thy servant I would be.

Savior, may I love my brother—

Lord, I would follow thee.

Today, our Sacrament Services concluded with this Hymn. The words seemed to go straight to my heart and spoke to me as they never had before. I know this hymn well, it's one that we sing often and I even knew we would be singing it today. However, I guess there will always be times when something seems new to us. Even something this familiar.

Our neighborhood has met with a great deal of heartache over the past few weeks. Several of our dear friends and neighbors are battling for their lives, their loves, their sanity. There are some pretty serious things going on and you can feel the weight of it as you look around and see what people are going through.

I often wonder what I can really do to be helpful and be an instrument in the hands of the Lord in loving and caring for my brothers and sisters around me. Then, I defeat myself, feeling like there is more to be done then I can handle. And, that often leads me to do nothing, completely overwhelmed by the many, many dire needs, I don't see how I can do any good in all of this. That must be exactly how the adversary would want us all to feel.

That is why we are asked to commit to being true brothers and sisters to those around us. We need each other. Times get tough and we need to be able to be supported by those around us. My dear sweet neighbor is recently a widow, and she is so sad and lonely. The emptiness of her home is often more than she can bear. I have often told her that my home is now hers - she is welcome anytime. But I know I need to do more. I need to bring her over and seat her warmly at my table. We need to call her and keep tabs on her, and when she is in the depths of despair, I just need to sit and cry with her.

Last night, I was able to learn first-hand how much we will be strengthened when we are reaching out to help another. The Lord gave me an opportunity to give more at the end of a physically exhausting day. And although the opportunity came up very quick and unexpected, it resulted in a very joyous evening, during which the last thing on my mind was my exhaustion. And when it was finally time to rest I was able to do so with a smile in my heart. If I had comtemplated that opportunity before it was presented, I am not so certain I would have taken it. Thank heavens for events that are placed in our paths, and for the times we take those on.

So, after my experience last night and my further prompting with a song today, when I start looking at all that needs to be done around me, I will be confident that when I "pause to help and lift another", the Lord really will bless me His strength. And the words of John will be there to prod me on, as needed:

"... let us not love in word, neither in tongue;

but in deed and in truth." (1 John 3:18)

Lessons in Love

2010-01-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

I am so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for constant reminders and lessons that seem to pull me in the direction I need (and desire) to go, if I am, but, attentive to these lessons. Although I often wish I didn't need to learn so much, I am grateful to have opportunities, I am grateful that the Lord hasn't given up on me. I also hope that I haven't missed out on too many others.

Lately, I have been given many opportunities to learn about LOVE. And, I've noticed that what I take away most from these lessons is usually one simple question I ask myself, "Why didn't I think to do that?" Not in a being-hard-on-myself kind of a way, but in a kindly kick-in-the-pants-because-you-CAN-be-like-that-if-you-want-to-be kind of a way.

My prayer is that by being more mindful of the GREAT examples all around me, and through constant petitions to my Father in Heaven, perhaps I will grow more compassionate and intuitive to the needs around me.

For example, I have a sweet friend who found out that one of her friends was having a REALLY bad day (due to a telling Facebook post). So, my friend called her up, took her for a pedicure and then they went to one of the Twilight movies. I didn't even find out about this through her, but word gets around (ok- my husband does share some good information with me whenever he can) and I was moved by her ACTION. She was aware of the need because she was checking up on this friend of hers, and she put a plan into play rather quickly. Such an easy, fun thing to do, but full of benefit for not just those two friends, but anyone else blessed to become aware of this act of kindness.

Another example is a neighbor of mine, but I don't even know which one. This neighbor saves her change all year long and finds a home for it each Christmas. She very thoughtfully and prayerfully considers who she should pass this change on to each year and then gives it with great love. What I love most about this is that I have lived here for YEARS and never even knew about it, and I still don't know which neighbor of mine does this. And I don't want to know, I am just grateful to have that good example to learn from. To know that there are so many out there (right around me) who are thinking of ways that they can be a kind and loving brother or sister to those around them.

There is another situation that I need to share, but this one is kind of difficult because I really think that this should have been me. I was given such a clear opportunity to serve, but I just didn't have my mind or heart in the place it needed to be in order to be an instrument in the Lord's hands. I hope that I will be ready for any other times when I find myself in a similar situation, I hope my heart will be open and my mind quick, and my body able to act. For now, however, I have to be grateful that I was, at least, a witness to the kindness that another offered when I was too blind to see.

This happened a few months ago as I was finishing up a shopping trip to the thrift store. I had picked up a few great finds and was checking out, with my two little boys - who by now were on the energetic side. I placed my items on the counter and started rummaging through my purse for a payment method. As I was completing the transaction, I noticed that a lady approached the person behind me in line. This lady (angel) very quietly told the mom behind me to have her kids go over to the rack of costumes and pick out one each and she would pay for it.

As I looked at this mom behind me in line I could see that she had a handful of small children and it looked as though their means were very meager. Halloween was just a few days away and I can imagine she was probably spinning her wheels trying to figure out what to do for her kids. But purchasing from the thrift store even was not in their budget.

This is the painful part, while I was conducting my own transaction, I overheard her talking to her daughter. Her daughter was asking what they would do for Halloween costumes and if they could go and pick some out from the rack nearby and if they would be able to find a Snow White costume for her. This mom, with such a sweet, patient, enthusiastic voice just said to her daughter that they would just have to be creative and find things around the house for their costumes.

Although my ears heard all of this, it never really got to my heart until after the fact, until it was too late for me to do anything. Busy in my own little details, I unknowingly shuffled all of that to the side, and kept on with my business.

Thank heavens another lady had her eyes, ears and heart open. I watched as the mom instructed her children to go over and pick out costumes. I felt the earth shake from their enthusiasm and joy as they flew over to the racks and started choosing their costumes. I saw the thankful look in the eyes of the mom as she spoke with this passing lady and I saw that this particular lady wasn't doing anything too out of the ordinary, this seemed like a simple, easy, normal part of her day.

Then I gathered up my bags and my boys and went out to my car and cried.

Why hadn't I listened to the words I heard? Why hadn't I acted on the knowledge I had been given?

I thought of the beautiful Snow White dress I made for my daughter a few years ago, now sitting in an old costume box at home. It was the perfect size for that little girl behind me in line. We have no use for it anymore, it could have been passed on to her with very little effort.

And, I could have spent the money to buy a few more costumes, that wouldn't have been a problem for our budget.

I was beating myself over the head with so many would haves and should haves ... tears were falling quite freely now and I felt like a shriveled old raisin. Not a very happy thing.

Thankfully, the Lord got through to me and helped me see a little more of the situation. He helped me to see the example of that wonderful lady who stepped up to meet this need. I very well could have walked out of those doors none the wiser to the entire situation. Instead, He made sure I could witness such a kind act and learn from it. He wants for me to be that kind-hearted, intuitive person that I so badly want to become.

He provided a great learning experience and provoked in me an even greater desire to become that person that I know is somewhere down inside of me.

So, these lessons are all etched in my heart and I am becoming more and more aware of the beautiful acts around me. And bit by bit, I hope to grow up to be just like them.

Love is the Answer

2009-11-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering quite a bit lately on the importance of love. It is something that is pretty easy for me to do, most of the time. And that's the problem I am facing. Most of the time is not enough. We are taught in the scriptures that ... "God is love" ... a phrase I have heard over and over throughout my life.

I have never doubted this sentiment, but I have also never really pondered it's significance. Reading over the scriptures provided a great deal of understanding:

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."
(1 Johns 4: 7-8)

Very simple to understand, and very profound. Simply stated, if I am have love for someone, I am doing as God would want me to do. If I don't have love for someone, than I am very far away from where God would want me to be.

We are taught that the first great commandment (of ALL the commandments) is to love God. And the second great commandment (of ALL the commandments) is to love our neighbor as ourselves. And from these two commandments hang ALL of the other commandments. It is all based on love. Everything.

As I thought about the significance of love in my life, I had a very strong image come to mind. There will come a day when I will have to stand before the Lord and account for every person I didn't love. Every single one. The Lord did not ask me to love most people, He commanded me to love everyone. I am sure I would be able to come up with all sorts of justifications and excuses for why there were certain people that I couldn't bring myself to love. But there is no addendum to the commandment starting with the word "except" ... it is nowhere to be found.

If Jesus could look, with love, upon those who were crucifying Him, how can I consider myself to be exempt from loving certain individuals. I cannot. It isn't part of the plan. Love truly is the one thing we can do that will always put our will in line with God's will. If there is sincere, God-like love in our hearts, all that we say and do will be good. When love slips out of us a bit, that is when our thoughts and actions start to slip.

I was blessed to have all of this reaffirmed to me today in Sacrament Meeting. As we listened to the wisdom of a wonderful man who I have been blessed to know for years, he emphasized that love is the principle characteristic we need to have in our lives. He referred to one of Elder Uchtdorf's talk from the October 2009 General Conference. He stated:

"Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.

"When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden."

I think that sums up so well all of the things that have been fluttering around in my head and heart over the past few months. I am focusing my efforts on love now. When I look at someone, I have made it a goal to immediately think to myself, "I love you". I am working on implementing the beautiful advice given by Elder Marvin J. Ashton about acting with charity. His words were life-changing to me and I hope to continue to remember these words throughout the course of my life. He said:

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

I am making a plan now to improve my capacity and ability to love. It will be my focus for this next year, I will seek opportunities to practice, I will pray like I have never prayed before, I will study the scriptures for perfect examples, I will search words of the prophets and fill my desk with their gentle reminders.

And, hopefully, I will become a more loving person to ALL of my brothers and sisters.
No exceptions.

I Need to Fill My Bucket

2009-07-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

This past month has been hectic, tiring, crazy and flat out overwhelming. As a result, I am tired, I am whiny and I am not allowing my husband leave my side again for a year. Except for work, gigs, and youth conference, of course.

In April we started a project in our home that was put on hold for a while so that we could gather funds and find the right person to fix the first job we had done. It seemed that once we finally were able to get things going we were running with it. We stayed up at night working together on all the little details. For about a week, we really focused and made a lot of progress. We were tired from all the late nights, but it was nothing because of how much closer we grew working on the projects together.

Then it was time for my husband to go with the scouts on a week long camp. I was very excited about this trip for him. I knew it would be a good experience and I didn't think a week alone would be so bad.

Until the puke started coming. The entire week was spent cleaning puke and other extractions all over my home. Many, many loads of laundry later (and a few days), we seemed to be back in good health. And I was exhausted. Without my husband there to help that week, I had the entire burden, there was no help or relief for me and most of my good attributes were slowly wearing away.

Then he came home. I was so glad to see him, I probably would have cried, but I was too tired. I was so glad to have his support again, his friendship, his unconditional love.

But life started right back up for him and he was off to work, meetings and gigs right away. And then he was gone for another camp where he was needed, only for two days this time. The anxiety I was feeling must have gotten the better of me and I wasn't able to sleep, so I was not only emotionally exhausted, but physically as well.

We made it two more days and then he came home, however, just for a few hours before another gig and then work the next day.

It just feels like I have hit the bottom of my bucket and there's not much in there.

I want to kick myself for being here and feeling this way because I know what great experiences my husband has been having. He has been strengthened and nourished spiritually and emotionally over these past few weeks. He comes home strong and happy and wonderful. And he comes home to me, a pitiful little beaten down mouse waiting for him, sucking all that great energy right out of him as soon as he sets foot back in our home.

I whined to him about all that I have been through and how crummy I felt. He was very concerned and very understanding and VERY lovingly attentive to my complaints. And although I wanted his sympathy and I wanted him to know how much I need him, I also felt a tinge of guilt for taking away what he had been filled with during his experiences.

But, I still continued on in my sulking and whining.

He still has one more conference to go to this summer and I am not looking forward to it.

It seems a bit overwhelming and I am not exactly sure how to handle it. But I am running on empty and I don't seem to have the strength and the power I need to be the kind of person I know I can and should be. The kind of person I would want to come home to.

Thankfully, in church today, my heart was pointed toward something that has made a big impression on me and given me some hope, perhaps even the "Umph" I need to really turn to the Lord and ask for Him to fill in for what I am lacking right now.

We were told stories of some of our early church members and the many experiences they had. As I listened to stories of men being called to serve missions, leaving families behind as they went off to serve the Lord for months, perhaps years, at a time, my thoughts were turned to their wives. I thought of them staying home with their young families, not really knowing how they would manage. But, they did manage, and they were blessed. They faced hardships and sorrows on their own, without their beloved spouse there to support them at the time. They took on the responsibilities of running the home and the farm and whatever else was asked of them.

And they did it all, for months, or years.

It makes my little experience seem so small, so insignificant, so fixable. If the Lord could bless these women with the strength to carry on and handle their circumstances with faith, courage and dignity, then certainly, He will be there for me, too. If I can put my bucket in a position to receive blessings and love for my Savior, then it will be filled.

I need to set out my bucket,

I need to ask for His help.

A Happy Little Lesson

2009-06-14T22:48:00.001-07:00

I am going to admit something in this post, something that you probably already know about me, but I don't often say it out loud. This is something that perfectly clarifies the overall "nerd" that I am.

I love going to church.

I always have.

Even as a kid, a teenager, I loved it. My mom never had to drag me out of bed for Sunday (although there was that year when we had late church and I was racing to get home in time for 21 Jump Street - not my finest moment). I just always wanted to be there, I always enjoyed learning about spiritual things, I loved sharing testimonies and singing hymns. It all brings so much joy and peace into my life.

That being said, last week I realized my little baby isn't so little and neither are his sounds. After a few minor interruptions in Relief Society I realized it was probably best for everyone if I just went out to the hall with him. I started pacing around with him, feeling a little irritated that this was probably the beginning of me not going to class anymore for a while. It would probably be another year before I would be able to go back to class and sit peacefully through lessons again.

I wasn't very happy about all of this. I was bothered and felt like I was missing out on something.

Right then, I had a wonderful comfort come to my heart. As I held my little one, I realized that I had another year to just hold him and squeeze him and watch him and kiss him and cuddle him and, well, all that wonderful stuff moms just can't seem to get enough of. It is very likely that this is our last baby, so to be able to prolong every single moment I get with him is a gift straight from heaven.

I might be missing out on a lesson, but I would rather not miss out on my baby. I am so grateful for the beautiful children Heavenly Father has sent my way. They are so precious and perfect. I wish I had been more aware of how important these little moments with them would end up being to me. I am glad, however, that I was finally able to recognize the importance of this time before it was over.

I have years and years full of Relief Society and Sunday School lessons. But my baby years are almost up and when they are done, they are done. This is my big clue to enjoy the NOW.

It is so beautiful, afterall.

My Brothers and Sisters

2009-04-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

One of the great things I have really come to love about the organization of our church is the strengthening we receive from our brothers and sisters in the gospel. As we come to know one another we are influenced by the testimony and goodness of those around us, and in our turn offer our strength to those around us who stand in need. And when we gather together to worship, the combined strength that is felt can be a huge lift to our spirits, something to give you the strength to go on and to do better.

Today was another wonderful Sunday where I was so moved by what I heard and witnessed, my soul has been singing and my heart has been much lighter, I am so grateful for the example these brothers and sisters show to me. But today, specifically, I was priviledged to be sitting near to a family that is a pillar of strength in our ward. They are goodness and courage and graciousness and fun all wrapped up into one. They are practically perfect in every way and I figure they are still here on earth only because we need keep learning from them.

This family has had their struggles, but their faith shines through whatever may come their way. We first met them 10 years ago when we moved into this ward. They had three children at the time, the youngest of which was just two years old. (They have since had one more child, just for the record.) He has a very serious congenital birth defect and requires a great deal of medical attention, so there are constant doctors appointments and medical procedures as a part of their daily lives. Yet, through it all they have all been so optimistic and hopeful and this young man is now 12 years old and doing very well. And today was the first day he participated in administration of the sacrament.

At first, I saw him passing the sacrament and my heart was full and excited for him. Then, I saw his mother and began seeing this miracle through her eyes and my heart was overcome with love and gratitude, faith and hope. So many miracles have happened with this young man and his family, miracles I am sure I haven't the slightest idea about, but you could see them all in her face. It is normal for all moms to beam as they watch their young men meet these milestones and receive the priesthood and grow in their gospel knowledge and understanding. But she wasn't beaming (although I am certain I will be), she did not have a look of pride or relief on her face. Rather, it was a look of gratitude far beyond anything many of us could relate to. It was a look of complete reliance on our Heavenly Father and appreciation for the countless blessings received over the years. It was the most humble, soft, faithful look I have ever seen in a mother watching a child moving forward and accomplishing new things in life.

It really was the glow of a loving Heavenly Father in her countenance. I have heard that scripture so often but today I saw it, I felt it and I have been changed by it.

Where would we be if we didn't have others around us to provide love and examples for us in our lives? I don't want to even pursue that thought at all. I just want to thank my Heavenly Father for letting me see this sweet sister today, for being able to sit close enough that I could see the years of miraculous events and tender mercies shining from her countenance. Because of her proximity, I was able to literally feel the love and appreciation she has in her heart for her Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. And that has been a great reminder to me that Our Heavenly Father's love is available to all of us, an unlimited supply and an unending time table.

On Miracles

2009-04-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

Today my heart is full. It is Easter, the day we celebrate the greatest miracle that ever occurred on the earth. My mind is full of thoughts of my Savior and the things he did for me, for you, for every person that has ever and will ever live on this earth. That alone is so far beyond my comprehension, but the love in my heart, the peace and happiness there are very easy to understand. I know they come from a loving Father.

I cannot thing of the life of my Savior without picturing miracles all along the way. The circumstances of His birth, the healings and blessings He bestowed, His understanding of mankind, His Atonement, and His Resurrection. What incredible miracles these are, and how blessed we are to know of these.

Pondering on these miracles brings me to see the miracles that are happening all around us. Each day there is something miraculous that I see. Today, a heroic captain was rescued at sea, yesterday I prayed for his safety and today that happened. And I am certain that I was not the only one, as this information circulated the news there must have been many praying for his rescue. And today we saw it come to pass.

At the same time, however, I learned of a young girl whose life was ended cruelly and prematurely. I am certain prayers were offered on her behalf, yet, no miraculous rescue occurred and her family will now live on with the pain of this tragedy a part of their everyday lives.

Up front, it might not seem fair, and, by all means, it's not. But, thankfully, it is not for us to decide. Our decision is not who gets which miracle, but rather, the attitude we take upon the outcomes of these events in our lives.

Christ, Himself, suffered a horrible death. He was not exempt from pain and solitude. However it was necessary in order for a great miracle to occur, one that would apply to all mankind. Had He not died, there would have been no resurrection. And had He not experiences such great pain and suffering at that time, there would have been no atonement. Each of these acts are the essential elements of our salvation. Without them, life would hold no purpose. If Christ had been spared death, eternal life would not be.

So, I remind myself that we are also not exempt. Bad things will happen. Horrible things will happen. But miracles will occur. Some later, some sooner. It is not for us to decide when and where they will all take place, but for a loving Heavenly Father.

I will continue to pray for miracles. My heart will be full of gratitude when those miracles occur. And when tragedy strikes, I will pray for the miracle of healing to come to those in need. My heart is extended towards so many today, those who are celebrating, as well as those that are mourning. May peace be brought to all.

More Gratitude Give Me

2009-03-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

Gratitude ...

It's a word I love.

It's a word that I'm hoping will become a defining characteristic of my life.

It's a word that often hits me by surprise.

I never know when those moments will sneak into my life, those wonderful moments that open my heart to the incredible blessings I have been given. Moments that help me understand how good my life is and the abundance of love that is there. I hate to even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have those moments and those learning experiences. How grateful I am!

We spent a few nights in the hospital recently with our baby. The diagnosis was RSV and the treatment was basically oxygen and suction, with a little hydration at the beginning. The entire time we were there I felt peaceful and confident about the situation. I could see the progress he was making and enjoyed the attention of the very capable staff.

My baby would be better soon and we would be going home.

Then it hit me like a brick, I thought of all the others who are there. I thought of the various reasons, illnesses, and afflictions that were out there. I thought of the pain and heartache that accompanied many of the diagnoses given in that hospital.

I ran into a friend from many years ago, his newborn baby had serious complications.

I talked to a lady who practically lived at the hospital, her baby had been there 2 months and it didn't look like they would be leaving anytime soon.

I listened to the nurses at their station discussing treatments needing to take place for some of the children.

Each of those situations brought me back to my baby. I hugged him tighter and offered a little prayer of thanks for our situation. I am so grateful for my life, for my trials and for my triumphs. I am even more grateful to feel the love of my Heavenly Father each and every day of my life. He is there in the good times and the bad, he is there to comfort and guide and fill our lives with purpose and meaning.

I still think about all the other families at the hospital, about their pain and their trials. I pray for peace and comfort to be their companion. I pray for recoveries and miracles. I pray to express gratitude, something I haven't done often enough, but a loving Heavenly Father keeps giving me chances to know how full of blessings my life is.

Answered Prayers

2009-01-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

I wish I wasn't always so surprised by the way Heavenly Father answers prayers, especially when it happens in such a specific way. I know He loves me and that I am his daughter, so why should such wonderful blessings from heaven come as a surprise to me?

The other night I went to bed exhausted, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I knew that a good nights rest would take care of the physical, then I might have more energy to work on the emotional and spiritual exhaustion I was dealing with. My plan worked for a little while, I snuggled into bed and started to doze off. Then, out of no where, it all hit me like a brick and I lay there in bed stewing over all of the issues that were beating me down.

If there is one thing I am learning as I get older, it is that lying in bed worrying about problems is not the way to get them handled. In fact, it makes everything a lot harder to deal with. I struggled for a while, my emotions were taking over and getting me worked up to the point that I was about ready to jump out of bed and get to the computer to send off a few weird emails - - - in an attempt to bring some type of resolution. Not a very good idea.

Thankfully, right then my spirit started to have some say.

I started to think of my Heavenly Father. I know He wants me to be happy and have joy in my life. I also know that He has power to overcome what might seem insurmountable to myself. So, my heart prayed to my Heavenly Father to help me not feel so sad, so rejected, so unloved. I prayed to the point I was pleading, I was begging my Father in Heaven to help these feelings rest, even if just for the night so that I could get some sleep. Then I could deal with them in the morning, that was all I wanted.

And that is exactly what I was blessed with that night. I soon drifted off to sleep and when I woke that morning, all of that anxiety of these troubles was right back in my mind. However, physically, I felt pretty good. And with that strength I felt lighter and more capable. I spent the morning racing around getting us ready for church, my worries really had to take a back seat for a little while longer.

Then it happened. I was sitting in Relief Society with a dear friend on one side and many other sweet sisters all around, and these painful feelings inside started to dissipate. Then, I realized that the lesson and discussion were right in line with what I had been struggling with last night, very specifically, I might add. A sister shared an example of something that had been meaningful to her in dealing with similar feelings and situations, and, of course, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Almost immediately my heart was healed, it felt full, it felt healed. I knew I had my safe place in this world and safe people to surround me. I knew that everything would be okay and that the disappointments I would have to deal with from time to time would come and go, but there would always be someone for me to turn to.

I knew, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father heard and answered my prayers.

When we arrived home from church, I felt lighter and stronger. I was ready to deal with some of the problems that had kept me awake the night before. As I set out to review them again, I found that they had been resolved. I don't know why, but for some reason they were all taken care of.

Perhaps I had this experience because I needed to feel pain and seek my Heavenly Father, perhaps that was what He wanted for me from the beginning, a humbler, more teachable daughter. When I did that, He took care of the rest in a series of sweet, loving little miracles.

I'm so glad I believe in miracles.

Ring Out the Old, Ring In the New

2009-01-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

I have a great big section of my heart reserved for those who have been able to put their thoughts and hopes and testimonies to verse and to music. The hymns we sing in church each week often carry a message that is beautiful and direct and full of wisdom and hope. As you can probably tell, from my writing, I am not particularly blessed in this area of verse and beautiful language, but I have a great admiration and respect for those that do.

I start with all of this because today in church we sang, "Ring Out, Wild Bells". It is a beautiful song that I have sung many times, usually this same week every year. The words are those of Alfred Tennyson and the music was written by Crawford Gates. Both the lyrics and the music combine to have an almost foreboding air to it through the entire song until it wraps up so beautifully and decidedly at the very last note of the song. It is amazing that by just changing one note a half step, we can attain an amazing resolution and completion. And I don't think I ever appreciated the significance of that until I sat wrestling my four children in church today, trying to make it through the end of the meeting.

By changing just one little thing, harmony and hope can be a part of our lives. We can be in conflict or turmoil or duress, and can be brought to resolution by turning our thoughts and hopes to our Savior Jesus Christ. The song goes through verses of clouds and dying and night and comes to the true resolution of all of our lives in the final verse, that which can only be offered by our Lord. The words of the last verse jumped off the page at me today:

"Ring in the valiant men and free,

The larger heart, the kindlier hand.

Ring out the darkness of the land;

Ring in the Christ that is to be.

Ring out the darkness of the land;

Ring in the Christ that is to be."

As the lyrics move in the direction of focusing on Christ, the music moves with it and we are given a wonderful lesson and example to use in our own lives. We are all affected by difficulties and sadness, we all live in a land that seems to be growing darker and colder as time goes on. The tone in the backgrounds of our lives might seem dismal at times, but if we can all turn our focus to our Savior and to having love and kindness in our lives, a beautiful harmony can replace it.

As I type this I am certain that this will only make sense to my own heart, but I need to express gratitude for these words and music because of what they have spoken to my heart today. The larger heart and kindlier hand have become my goals for this year, overcoming the darkness of the land is my lifelong goal and focusing on my Savior Jesus Christ is my eternal goal. They are all so beautifully defined by this song, how grateful I am that my heart was opened to this today.

The Faith of a Child - My Child

2008-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

I know I get a little impatient and frustrated with my three year old boy sometimes, he is really at an age that is full of curiousity and adventure and I am learning a lot, on an hourly basis. I often wonder if I am getting through to him, or if he is learning anything important at this stage in his life. I wonder if the foundation is being set for him to grow into a strong, faithful man. I wonder and worry about this a lot.

The past few weeks have shed some hope and I have been given a glimpse of the spirit inside that darling little body of his. If we ever need a reminder that these children are children of our Heavenly Father first and foremost, I had that happen over the past few weeks. It was a humbling and beautiful opportunity to see the giant that dwells within.

A few weeks ago we learned that my husband's cousin's little boy had some serious health problems. This little boy is just about to turn 4 - so he is close to the same age as our sweet boy. He had a condition occur that took away his vision. As we explained this to our children they responded immediately with sincere concern and worry for this little boy. I think they could all relate somewhat to what it would be like to suddenly lose your vision, especially as a young child. We prayed for this little boy and then it was time to go to bed.

First thing the next morning, my boy asked if he could say a prayer. He prayed for this cousin, a very short, sweet, sincere prayer. That afternoon as we blessed our lunch, he again prayed for this little boy. And again that evening. It often occurs while we are driving the girls to school, he will ask to say a prayer then, and he will pray for this little boy.

The little boy has been diagnosed and has recovered quite a bit of what he lost, and my little guy continues to pray for him. He hasn't forgotten about him even though it's been a few weeks now. I have been so humbled by the faith and love that has poured out of this little boy, I had never really seen that side of him.

I now see the spiritual giant that resides in that sweet, wonderful, darling little body.

I am so lucky to be his mommy.

Daily Tests

2008-11-24T17:10:00.000-08:00

I don't mean for this to be a silly post, the lesson I learned from it has really hit deep into my heart and I am hoping to take this into my daily life and just flat out be a better person. It's just that whenever I hear a grocery store story, they are usually filled with either humiliation and/or humor. I have a grocery store story, but it isn't funny and although I could take a cynical approach, my heart instead has been opened to what I could learn from it.

I usually avoid the grocery store on Saturdays like the plague. It is not a pleasant place to be, and I usually prefer to stay away from large crowds (number one reason I am not a big fan of Disneyland). This past Saturday I needed a few items and had to go to the store just before noon, as did many other people.

As I hurried through the store, every where I looked, everyone else was rushing around like me. So, I slowed down a bit, I only needed a few items and I figured it would be better for me to calmly make my way from one item to the next. I had to manuever through some areas filled with stopped carts and I had to cross through the higher traffic areas to get to the next aisle for my list.

Every turn, every move every single thing that happened at the store that day brought me face to face with very agressive, rushed, and just flat out impatient and mean shoppers. I did not want to be one of them, so right then I put a smile on my face and kept moving calmly through the store. As I took to fulfilling some of the physical needs of my family, I decided I better keep my own spiritual needs in mind as well.

I made sure that I would keep a smile on my face. As I went to get some soup, there was a cart parked right in the way of the soup I needed and the "owner" of the cart was halfway down the aisle. I didn't get mad, I just gently slid it over a bit, took my soup and when the "owner" came over to her cart, obviously embarrassed for having left it someone's way I was able to reassure her it was absolutely no big deal at all. We smiled and exchanged a few pleasantries and I was on my way again.

I guess that I learned during this shopping trip that we need to learn to follow the example of our Savior and treat others the way He would in the same situation. And we need to do this in our everyday lives.

We are being met with little tests and challenges often, and usually we won't even think of it as being such. If we can learn to treat our fellow man with kindness and love, even when we are in a hurry and even when they are being unkind toward us and even when we don't feel like it, and on and on, then we are moving in the direction of our Savior. And that is where I want to be.

So, did I pass this test? Not really. I kept a smile on my face for everyone, and had a very kind and pleasant interaction with a fellow shopper. But I was still irritated and bothered by so many others. I don't think Jesus would have had those feelings. I have a long way to go, but I am so glad to at least see where improvement can be made. And I am so eager to do better and be a better person.

I just might even go to the grocery store this next Saturday and see how I am doing.

Thank You Bob

2008-11-12T13:11:00.001-08:00

Every morning I listen to the same radio program while I am taking the kids to school. I have to admit I don't really care for the host most of the time (mostly because of what he says about teachers), but I still listen because every once in a while he will share a little something that ends up being very helpful and inspiring to me.

I just had one of those mornings.

I have been very saddened by the reaction of some people on a vote which happened recently. The vote was to protect the nature of marriage and Christians from all walks of life worked very hard to keep the laws in their state the way they wanted. Their proposition passed and their hard work paid off. And as much as I believe there is an eternal reward for their work, they were immediately met with persecution.

They are being persecuted for standing up for what they believe in. It is so sad to see, but it is nothing new, this has been going on since man has been on the earth.

My sadness has also left me pondering, realizing someday I am going to need to be the one to stand up for things like this. My heart is saddened knowing that people will call me a hateful person for standing up for this, when my heart is full of love. But that love goes to my God first and then to man. I have no hatred for my fellow beings, but someday it will be said that I do. That makes my heart ache.

So, thank you Bob, for at least reminding me that even though my heart will be troubled by these things, there is a purpose for standing up for the things of God. And thank you for reminding us all of these scriptures that we have read and heard so many times. How applicable they are to this present situation.

Matthew 5: 10-12

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

There is an eternal happiness and peace that will see me through these troubling times. And eventually (perhaps not it in this life, but in the life to come) my brothers and sisters on this earth that might revile against me, will then know that I had nothing but love in my heart.

And in my heart is a constant prayer for those facing this presently, may peace comfort your soul for what you have done and the efforts you have made. My heart and prayers are with you all.

Jesus is the Light of the Earth

2008-11-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

I had one of those moments where there is some enlightening today, it's something I have never really put much thought into, but today it all came together in my heart.

I have always remembered the fact that rainbows were basically a gift from out Heavenly Father as a reminder of the covenant He has made that the Earth will never be completely flooded again, destroying all flesh. The rainbow was presented to Noah and explained that when the clouds came, the rainbow would appear and we could all be assured that we were not to be destroyed.

What hit me today was that rainbows are the result of light hitting water. When light comes in contact with water, a prism of all the colors is projected. You cannot have a rainbow without light. And this is what hit me:

John 8: 12 teaches the following "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."

Christ is the light of the world, He is the light that shines in our darkness and brightens the way for us. He is also the light that creates all the beautiful colors in the world. None of this would be without our Savior.

The peace that we feel in our hearts after a "storm" in our lives comes from Christ.

The beautiful experiences that can take place in the midst of turmoil come from our Savior.

The rainbow is only possible in the presence of light. And just as the rainbow was given to us to bring peace to our souls, our Savior has been given to us for the same purpose, to bring peace. The peace He brings is that of love and hope, knowing that we are Children of God and that through the atonement of Christ, we can return to live with our Father in Heaven someday. I cannot think of a greater peace I have in my life than that one statement.

So, whenever I see a rainbow from now on, I will not only remember the covenant Heavenly Father has made with His children, but I will see that His Son, our Savior, is the source of that peace on our earth.

Heavenly Father Prepares Us

2008-11-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

I have loved being in Primary.

From the moment I started, I was filled with a huge love and enthusiasm for the children I was serving. I thought of them all constantly. I tried my best to do whatever I could to help them really learn that they are all Children of God.

Being released shouldn't have been so easy.

I loved being in Primary. I loved getting up in front of them and teaching a lesson. I loved taking every chance I could to tell them all how much I loved them. I loved standing at the door each Sunday as they were coming in and giving them a little pat on the back or caring nudge as they came in. I loved helping them find their classes when they weren't sure where to go. I loved every single hug I received from those little sweeties. I loved their smiles, their laughs and their funny responses to questions. I loved serving with some awesome women, we had a friendship and cohesiveness that was just divine. I loved all of the fun Primary teachers we were able to work with. I loved the Primary music - there is nothing in the world like it. I loved the confidence the Bishop had in me when I went to him with questions or needs, I loved his kindness and reassurance. I loved my sweet husband giving me grief over my tendancy to "go all out" - he kept me in line! I loved every single thing about being in Primary (well - except for one, but I won't go into that). I loved being in Primary.

Being released wasn't supposed to happen so soon.

So, when the call came for us to meet with the Stake President, I knew in my heart that change was coming. During the few days we had before the meeting, my spirit kept telling me that it was my time to move on from Primary.

I didn't like what I heard inside, but I knew it was so.

As we sat down with the Stake President, I was specifically told that I would need to be released in order for my husband to serve where he was needed at this time. And my heart was ready, it had been prepared. I was able to consent.

I was given the opportunity to stay in for a few more weeks, until our Sacrament Meeting Program, and I relished those days. I sat back and looked at each of those children and gave little hugs wherever I could.

When the program was over and the following Sunday arrived, I knew it was my last. I thought I would be too sad to even attend to my duties that day. But, I had been prepared and I was able to do everything I needed. As we sat in Sacrament Meeting, and that sneaky Bishop made sure my husband was conducting that day, I was filled was happiness and reassurance that my offering had been acceptable and that those who would take over now were just what the children needed.

Much to my surprise, there were no tears.

I was still very sad to go, but Heavenly Father prepared me.

And for once, I listened.

The Ripple Effect

2008-10-27T10:29:00.001-07:00

It's funny how one little look or a comment from someone can create a reaction in you that will cause you to give a little look or say something that will have an effect on someone else. So, when I looked out over our congregation yesterday and saw tears from so many, I knew exactly where it all started ... our Stake President.

Yesterday we had our Primary Program. We have been working hard for this day and I have been allowed to continute working with the Primary children up through the program before I will be released (since my husband has been asked to serve in a rather demanding capacity - I am getting 'the boot'). Needless to say, yesterday was an emotional day for me and I was soaking in every moment I could. We were able to rehearse in prepare in a peaceful, calm manner and I was so relieved that I would be able to sit back and watch the children during the program without all the anxiety that has accompanied me during previous programs. My fantastic counselors had been so inspired to see and meet needs as they arose (sometimes even beforehand), and it felt like all was ready, down to the tiniest of details.

The children had been amazing, they worked hard, paid attention to the music leaders, and remained reverent while we went through the entire program. We stepped outside for a little treat and some running around, then back into the church to get in our seats to await the start of the program. As we were settling in our seats, a wonderfully kind sister introduced herself to me and told me she would be our biggest cheerleader that day, she is the first counselor in the Primary General Presidency. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and unnerved by her unexpected presence, I was bouyed up by her generous spirit and hug of assurance. My heart was lifted, and I looked around at the children, there were glowing smiles on all their faces and they were ready.

And what did I do with all this Heavenly Bliss? Of course, I wanted to bawl my eyes out. I love Primary, I love the children, I love the music, I don't want to leave, so how was I to make it through this program all in one piece? I had no idea, but I sat there waiting for it to start and hoping for the best.

When the Bishop turned the time over to us, I quickly moved to my small chair by the podium where I would be able to help the children and not really get in the way. That chair was directly across from our wonderful Stake President. No sooner had I sat down then he stuck his foot out to tap me and get my attention. When I looked up at him (a bit startled, might I add) - his calm, caring demeanor smiled on me and he whispered, "Enjoy it." His kindness and directness were overwhelming, he knew that I would be out of primary soon, and he knew how hard it has been for me to let go. He wanted me to make sure I took every advantage to sit back and watch the children and drink in their testimonies and beaming spirits. That's when the crying began. I wasn't sobbing or bawling, like I probably would have done had I been in seclusion. But there was a steady stream of happy, grateful tears running down my cheeks.

That's what started it, the Bishop noticed my tears, then he, too, somewhat affected shed a few of his own. The music leaders, upon seeing the Bishop shed a few themselves and then a few more up on the stand, looking out at the music leaders were now teary. Then some in the audience joined it. Before I knew it, there were glistening eyes filling our congregation. They came along with a sweet, loving gratitude for being able to listen to and learn from the sweet testimonies of our children. It was quite a site.

Had our sweet Stake President not given me that initial nudge and caring advice, well, I don't think there would have been as big a run on the Kleenex as there was. How grateful I am to him for helping me open my heart and listen, and enjoy those beautiful children as they sang, spoke and shined during that sweet, Sunday program.

Inspiration

2008-10-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

I love my husband.

He is such a great leader to me and our family. He might not seem it to our acquaintences, but he is a very spiritual person. I knew that, and that is one of the big reasons I married him.

I have had a recent situation that has shown me how inspired he is and how we can all receive that inspiration in our personal lives.

Recently I have had a bit of a situation that required my attention. There was a change in a program I am over for church that needed to happen. This would require a meeting with some who might not be so receptive to change. I knew that the change needed to happen, and I did not doubt that, but I find it difficult to build up the courage to take on opposition.

The first step was to make a phone call. The call was not easy, the other person was quite offended and hurt by my suggestions. This was all done with the most kindness I could generate. But the other person met me with a great deal of resistance. Normally, I would have been very intimidated. I would have become flustered and emotional and probably even backed down (this is why I would have never ventured into the business world). On my own, I am very weak. But, during this phone call I knew I had the Lord behind me. This change was necessary for the good of the children in the program, all the children. So, I stuck it out through the conversation (with much divinly appointed ease) and when I hung up, my sweet husband who was at my side the entire time said that it sounded like it all went well. The fact is, however, it did not go well, the other person was very emotional, hurt and offended by my suggestions. What really struck me about my husband's comment is that I was blessed beyond belief to keep calm, kind and composed throughout this situation. It was even easy, I knew that what I was doing was right and I knew the Lord wanted this to happen. And for someone like myself, that in itself was a miracle, and I immediately recognized it as such.

Despite the difficult phone call, we were still able to set up a meeting time to work out all the details. I was very anxious for the meeting. I prayed all week for the other person, that her heart would be lifted and she would know that this was not a personal attack. I prayed that we would be able to work together amicably to keep a great program great. But I still was dreading the actual meeting.

I asked for and received a priesthood blessing the night before, and peace was returned to my heart.

That morning as my sweet husband kissed me goodbye before leaving for work - he mentioned that I should read the recent conference talk by President Eyring, "Our Hearts Knit as One". I remembered that I had been impressed by it as I listened, but couldn't remember all the details. So I took a few minutes to read over that morning. It was very thorough about the topic of Unity, then I read the following and knew that my husband had been inspired to encourage me to read that specific talk before my meeting. President Eyring said:

"Happily I am seeing more and more skillful peacemakers who calm troubled waters before harm is done. You could be one of those peacemakers, whether you are in the conflict or an observer.
One way I have seen it done is to search for anything on which we agree. To be that peacemaker, you need to have the simple faith that as children of God, with all our differences, it is likely that in a strong position we take, there will be elements of truth. The great peacemaker, the restorer of unity, is the one who finds a way to help people see the truth they share. That truth they share is always greater and more important to them than their differences. You can help yourself and others to see that common ground if you ask for help from God and then act. He will answer your prayer to help restore peace, as He has mine."

I knew what I needed to do in the meeting - find the common ground. So my prayers changed to that, asking for help to be able to recognize our common ground and bring that to the forefront.

As we sat in our meeting, my anxiety quieted, we prayed and peace was there. After going over a few details, the common ground was revealed to me and I was able to make sure that all our plans worked around that. The other person involved who had been hurt and offended seemed much softer and we really seemed to be able to come together for this program. We met on the common ground and there was peace.

I felt so relieved and so happy, I did not want to make an enemy out of this person, she has been my neighbor for years and hopefully many more to come.

There were still a few little things to work out, but the majority of the issues seemed to be dealt with on both sides. That is until one big rift came up later. The plans we had made had to be juggled around and tweaked a little bit more and I didn't know how to do that and stay on the common ground that we had found. Again, anxiety and sadness entered. Here we had found such a peaceful resolution to our problem and now that was null and void. Any solution I could come up with would take us away from our common ground.

So, I turned to this sweet lady and presented the issue and the possible solutions I could see. I told her that a decision needed to be made soon and invited her ideas. Through her faith and prayers, a solution was found that would be beneficial to everyone involved. The inspiration seemed to flow wherever it was needed throughout this process and I was so grateful to be able to see the Lord's hand guiding us to freely as we were striving to make this program work amidst necessary changes.

The Lord answered my prayers, He answered my husband's prayers and He answered the prayers of this sister, wherever the inspiration was needed and would be best received and utilized, that is where it seemed to go.

The Lord loves us dearly and is aware of the details of our lives, and will grant unto us according to our righteous desires.

My desire was to be a peacemaker, and so it was.

Slow to Learn

2008-10-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days that went from okay to bad to really good to mad to complacent. And if I weren't so slow to learn, I am pretty sure that I could have stuck with the really good for the rest of the day. But, due to my own choices, it didn't happen that way.

Yesterday I had a few things happen in the morning where people were less than kind, that got me in a bad mood. Then something happened that was really bad and put me in a really bad place. I felt very alone, very unloved and almost hopeless. I wondered why it seemed that no one out there (minus my wonderful family) couldn't seem to have anything nice to say or do for me that day. Yes, I was having a huge pity party. I knew I didn't want to spend the day like this so I just had a constant prayer in my heart that someone out there could be nice to me. That's all I wanted and felt like I needed, one kind gesture.

We went to run a few errands and I kind of got busy and tried to forgot about everything. Then it happened, someone pulled me aside and talked to me. She is a friend of my sister's that I have met just a few times, but she remembered me and stopped me to chat. She was very friendly and kind and my heart started to lighten. As I left that conversation, I needed to hurry to the cashier to pay so that I could go and pick up the girls from school. Turns out I went to the nicest cashier that store has ever seen. She smiled, asked me how I was, helped me cheerfully and then added a very kind, "Have a nice day" as I gathered my things and left. My heart lightened even more, then as I left the store, a young mother and her daughter that were coming in just smiled and said "Hi" to us. So sweet, so simple and such an answer to prayers. The heaviness of the day had lifted and I was filled with hope and sweetness.

A great way to finish out the day!

Too bad I couldn't trust Heavenly Father enough to just leave it at that. I returned home and ended up calling up all the yucky feelings of the day, reporting them to others and, in my own little spoiled way, seeking their pity. I received it. I gathered in lots of pity, my hurt feelings were very well justified and I was able to gather tons of support. And did I feel any better? No, things were worse. Anger started filling my heart and hopelessness joined in.

I had been given a wonderful gift from Heavenly Father, and I embraced in and was very grateful for it. But somehow, I still had to trade this wonderful gift from heaven for earthly condolences. I traded hope and happiness for anger and justification. I don't think that was a very good trade. I hope I can do better, and I hope Heavenly Father will give me more chances. I hope He won't look at me and see that I have squandered some of the sweet gifts He has given me and not be so willing to help me in the future. I hope the sorrow I feel in my heart for not trusting Him enough will help me to be a stronger person.

I think I understand the scripture about seeking treasures from Heaven and knowing where your heart REALLY is even better today. I hope I can change.

I hope I will learn.

It's Always Good to be Grateful

2008-09-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

We take sooooooo much for granted! I know that I am not ever grateful enough for the many blessings in my life. So, when little reminders come, it is growing more and more important for me to acknowledge those in my life.

This morning I had one of those little reminders.

I was listening to the morning news radio as I was driving the kids to school. One of their reporters was being interviewed about her activities from the previous day. She is from England and yesterday she became a citizen of the United States of America. She went through some of the things she had to do to make this happen - it is a lengthy process and requires a true committment and desire.

After her efforts she was invited to attend the naturalization ceremony to be held at a theater in downtown Salt Lake City. There were hundreds of people from all over the world in attendance for the same purpose she was there. The process wasn't over and they had to pass through a few final interviews and questionaires. Then, they were shuffled into their seats in the theater and the Federal Magistrate came in and spoke to them.

He told them his story - he was the son of migrant workers. As a child, he was accustomed to working alongside his parents. They ended up working for a farmer here in Utah and this farmer made sure the family knew that if they were going to work for him, the children would be going to school. The farmer said that this boy could work in the morning and in the evening and even on the weekends. But during school hours he would be in school.

This Judge went to school, made it through law school, passed the bar, practiced law and is now a Federal Magistrate. He worked hard and made his life what it is today. He did not ask anyone to provide these opportunities for him, but they were there for him if he would do the work. So, he worked hard and he is where he is today. These blessings and opportunities are available to anyone - but they are not easy and they are not free! Blood, sweat and tears are payment, some of our own, but many of these payments were made by others. They have given me their blood, sweat and tears for my opportunity for freedom. Can I ever be grateful enough? I don't think so. Their sacrifice was tremendous - I just hope that I can work harder to be more appreciative, to remember the sacrifices of many, to remember the great opportunities available to us in this land. TO WHINE LESS!

I Don't Think It's a Coincidence

2008-09-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

Today we went to Stake Conference. We actually began last night with some wonderful talks and music at the Stake Center. I love the Saturday Night meetings because they seem so full of the spirit. Everyone leaves their kids with babysitters and the room is just full of people ready and able to drink in the messages and apply them to their lives. We had a great meeting, although I missed the last talk as I headed out with the baby.

Then today came and we went to the Regional Center for our meeting. We got everyone ready quickly and arrived a half hour early. We picked up Lili - I am so glad she is back in town, it was a treat to see her again - along the way. The choir was rehearsing when we arrived and it was so nice to get the kids settled and then just sit and listen to the choir. However, because I was busy getting the kids settled, I didn't have that long to really pay much attention to the rehearsal. As they were winding down I realized that I heard part of one of my favorite hymns. So I asked Bert if they had just practiced that and he said that they talked about it and it was on the program. I was so excited, I never get tired of hearing, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." It fills my soul.

The conference started and we heard from President Olsen. First of all, he is just a wonderful man. We have loved getting to know him over the years. His daughter is in our ward and she is fantastic - and their kids are unbelievable - we absolutely adore the whole family. He ended speaking about the history behind the lyrics of "Lead Kindly Light" - which is another of my favorite hymns. Then the choir sang that after his remarks. I don't know how it can just be a coincidence that two of my most favorite hymns were part of the program today.

That is when I sat up and thought - There really is something here for me to learn today. So, I listened and my heart was touched. One thing that really hit me is that President Olsen made reference of the need to not be so critical and competitive with one another - which is what I had already been pondering on recently after reading the book, "I Am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. All of Chapter 6 emphasizes the need to not judge each other harshly, but to love and care for each other. We all have strengths and weakness and it seems we tend to judge each other on both of these. If someone has a messy house, we might think they are lazy. If someone is really nice looking we might think they are vain. If someone is quiet we might think they are stuck up. And if someone drives a really nice car we might think they are materialistic. It seems we are very prepared and ready to judge others on every aspect of their lives. And that has to end. This is not a competition. This life is a time for EACH and everyone of us to prepare to meet God. And when we were baptized into His church, we PROMISE to help our brothers and sisters. So, that is my first assignment, not to judge. I try to be good at that, trying to give others the benefit of the doubt. So, I will try harder. I am going to try not to judge others successes too harshly. I am going to try not to be intimidated by those who seem so fabulous to me. I am going to try to not covet the things others have that I do not. I am going to look at everyone and take the time to truly see them as a brother or sister, as God's child. Although I have worked so hard to not judge others - I see that I still have a ways to go

There are other things that I know I need to work on after today's conference. President Morgan touched my heart on the topic of prayer. I know that I can do better and I need to for myself and my family. President Hanks helped me realize how important preparedness is - I need to be ready for whatever the Lord has in store for me. THEN I need to be humble enough to accept whatever the Lord has in store for me. I absolutely LOVE the last line of the first verse of "Lead Kindly Light" that states this: "I do not ask to see The distant scene -- one step enough for me." I need to really attain this attitude. I need to rely on the Lord and even when I don't understand the whole big picture, I need to take comfort and be at peace with the one or two steps in front of my that I do see.

This really was an incredible meeting and I want to thank our Stake Presidency for the hard work they do for us all, for their prayers and worries and constant vigilance over us. We are truly blessed to have such honorable men serving us so lovingly.

My Net Worth

2008-09-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

Last night we had one of those quick, unplanned visits with Bert's dad and Karyn and in the course of our conversation, an important truth was confirmed in my heart. We were talking about some pictures we had just looked at, which led us to discussing some of the many outings and trips others in the family had taken. Bert and I must have sounded a little envious of some of these exotic ventures when his dad quickly commented that what we gave those trips up for is worth so much more than those trips.

So, I started to really look at our "Net Worth", and it is great. Bert works VERY hard and long for our family and I am able to stay home with our beautiful children. We don't have extra money for lessons or fancy clothes or big trips, but we have four amazing children (not perfect, but definitely amazing) and we are happy and healthy. I get to spend every waking moment worrying about them and thinking about them and wondering what I can do to help them more. And then we get all sorts of hugs and kisses and loves in return. The other day The Boy was talking to Uncle Boogerhead and went through a list of everyone he loves. Mommy made it on the list twice. And the other day Bert had a gig that kept him out late and Thing 1 wrote him a note that said bedtime just isn't the same withouth him here - and she left the note on his nightstand.

Despite the fact that we get tired and worn out from all that we need to do on a daily basis, if we can break away from that and look at our many blessings, we can feel peace and happiness our our lives for the work we are doing.

So, trips to Africa may not be our reality, but we have the best life for us. Thanks to Jim for saying what he said to make this perfectly clear. And next time I start pouting as I look over the travels of one or look at the lovely outfit of another, I'll sit back and say "I CHOSE TO TRADE ALL THAT IN FOR MY FAMILY - AND THEY ARE WORTH IT."

Should I get that tattooed on my eyelids?

Heavenly Father Loves His Children

2008-08-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

I have to share this story, even though it didn't happen to me, it is such a beautiful story from my dear neighbor Lavon. She is one of the best Primary teachers I have ever seen. She loves those kids so much and thinks about them all the time. She puts so much into her calling because of her great love for the kids. Every few months our teachers are asked to present a Sharing Time lesson for the whole group and this is the part that usually gets Lavon a little worked up. She does such a good job, but she really lets herself get nervous about the whole thing. She usually starts preparing a few months in advance. That is what made this experience so special.

Lavon was given the topic of the Sacrament. She immediately remembered a lesson her father had given years ago in one of his church callings. Her mother had made beautiful visual aides to go along with the lesson and she was so excited to recreate all of that for the primary children. The lesson was on how to take the sacrament, especially focusing on what hand to use and why we do that. So Lavon started researching and couldn't find any information from a prophet or the scriptures or even in the Bishop's Handbook about how to take the sacrament. This put her in a stupor of thought. This stupor was so strong that she actually lost all her desire to do this lesson. Then she called the bishop to ask him what he knew about that. He said something that turned everything around for her. He said something to the effect of, "The Lord isn't as concerned about HOW you take the sacrament as He is with WHY you are taking the sacrament."

Lavon quickly figured out that this was the lesson she needed to prepare for the lesson- focusing on why we do this each week and what it means to us. As soon as she figured this out, the inspiration for her lesson came pouring in. She knew how much the Lord loved His children. He was very specific with her as to what lesson she should share, she could feel His inspiration and love as she put everything together for the children.

She prepared a beautiful lesson, it covered such basic, but essential facts about the sacrament and she was so excited to share it. Unfortunately, her husband is ill and she needs to stay home with him, so she has asked me to share the lesson for her. I am hoping the Lord's blessings will be with me and I can do half as good as Lavon would have done. Her spirit is so full after this experience and I am so grateful she shared this with me. The Lord wanted the children to learn what was most important and He let her know that very personally. And she listened to that council. What a wonderful neighbor. How lucky I am to have been given the chance to share in this wonderful experience.

I Love a Wedding

2008-08-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday was wonderful - we attended the wedding of Phil and Janel in the Bountiful Temple. I have known Phil his entire life - I remember when Wendy was expecting. It was such an exciting time. And then he arrived and we all adored him! We continued adoring him and now he is all grown up and MARRIED! I guess we should leave all of the adoring to the Happy Couple from now on.

The ceremony was wonderful and I am so grateful I was there. It seems that every wedding I attend grants me the opportunity to reflect on my own life and marriage and make improvements. The gentleman performing the ceremony was so funny, and despite his humor, I was able to get a lot out of the experience. He reminded us that if we love each other, we will hold on to each other. This happened as he was talking to my sweet husband who was sitting next to me. The Sealer looked at him and then pointed to me and asked, "Is this your wife?" He answered, "Yes she is." The Sealer asked, "How do you two get along?" and he answered, "Pretty good." Then The Sealer asked, "Well, why aren't you holding her hand?" He had a fun and entertaining way of voicing simple, yet important, truths.

He also spent some time reminding us of what it really means to consecrate ourselves. It's a committment we all make, however, sometimes we forget. I have promised to serve my Father in Heaven with all that He has given me. So, no more grumbling or eye rolling when needs arise and I am the solution. I will see my role as a wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend and ward member with the light the Heavenly Father would like me to see it in. I have been incredibly blessed and focusing on that will only be of benefit to me and my family.

Thanks to Phil and Janel for providing and wonderful learning opportunity for me. And, congratulations to them for making this wonderful committment to each other and the Lord. We send all our wishes for a happy eternity.

Called to Serve

2008-08-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

I love to notice all the little miracles in each day. I love when someone says, "Oh that will take a miracle" because in my heart I affirm, "Great, because I believe in miracles." There are so many instances where we can see these instances of God's love, it makes me wonder how many we don't see. Thankfully, we are aware of some of these, and I hope that if I will live my life more in tune with the spirit, Iwill be made aware of others.

This past Sunday, I was able to see another little miracle, thanks to our lovely Music Leader in Primary. She was working with the big kids and spent some time on a song we have been learning, "Called to Serve". It is such a great missionary song, and to hear the kids sing it is just wonderful. She ended up spending more time on it than she realized and soon her time was up. They had only practiced two songs that day, not getting to several of the ones she had planned on going over.

Then came Sacrament Meeting, this was the same meeting previously mentioned where a wonderful missionary from our ward reported on his experiences. At the end, the Stake President got up to make a few comments (as mentioned in an earlier post). He ended up doing something most of us out there have probably never seen - releasing the missionary from his mission right there. He shared that moment with all of us, it was beautiful. And yes, I cried for that, too.

As he was finishing up his comments he turned to the organist and asked if it was okay to change the closing hymn to "Called to Serve". All over the chapel you could see little eyes and ears perk up and they prepared themselves to join in the singing. I could see the music leader just filled with the spirit, now she knew why so much time was spent on that song today - they needed to know it really well to be able to feel and enjoy the spirit that had been invited into that meeting. My kids were so happy and they sang their little hearts out, as did the other children I could see sitting nearby.

This sweet music leader was so touched, her testimony was beaming, her face was glowing. It was a very simle little thing that showed so magnificently our Heavenly Father's love for us all.

A Glimpse of Heaven

2008-08-19T23:44:00.001-07:00

The other day I had on the Olympics. I have never actually watched a marathon and that day they were broadcasting the women's marathon. I started watching, thinking they would mostly focus on other events and then come back to the marathon to check in. I thought the event would take so long that there was really no way to stay with them for very long before taking a break and coming back later. I just thought that a marathon took many, many hours to complete (as it would take me a few days, I am pretty sure). Imagine my surprise when I realized that for these trained, physically fit athletes, a marathon can be run in just a few hours. WOW! Sorry for my ignorance, but there it is. So, I watched in awe as they followed these ladies. They kept ticking down the miles, and my eyes opened wider and my jaw dropped lower. I was amazed. Finally, the end was in sight and a runner from Romania was far ahead of the rest. She was going to win. She approached the "Bird's Nest" (the nickname given to the stadium in Beijing) and upon entering was greeted with cheers from the crowd. The stadium was FULL - people were there just to welcome in the marathon runners. WOW! That is when I had my glimpse into heaven.

Here we are running our own marathons of life. Each step we take hopefully taking us closer to our goal, each step closer to our Father in Heaven. As we stay on track and keep running, there is a stadium full of people waiting to cheer for us. I am left with the image that when we get to make that trek into our Father's Heaven, we will be met by more people than we can imagine. They will be congratulating us on our work, shouting "Hoorays" and "Congratulations". What's great is that people enter in their own time, just like the marathon, and each is a success. People in that stadium were there to cheer on the first runner and the last. Although only a few received a tangible reward, everyone was met with love and support beyond measure. And that is how heaven is in my eyes - love and support beyond measure.

This was made manifest to me years ago upon returning home from my mission. I attended the temple and realized one of my former mission companions was there. Although I couldn't get to her directly, I was finally able to catch up to her and embrace her and share my love for her. That was another glimpse of heaven, there will be those special friends waiting with all the love in their hearts to embrace us again. The excitement I had in my heart for seeing a dear friend in a beautiful and sacred place was a powerful glance into heaven. I am so grateful for the moments we have that show us a bit more than what we see in our regular lives. I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who opens those views to us, giving our spirits opportunities to be strengthened and to grow. And I love that it can happen from something as simple as watching a marathon.

Darn Power Outages

2008-08-19T09:11:00.001-07:00

I love the MANY opportunities we are given to see our Heavenly Father's hand in our lives. The other night, in the middle of the night, the power went out. This always wakes me up because our Carbon Monoxide detector likes to squeal with every power change it experiences. Anyhow, the house was DARK. And due to the antics of our wonderful 3 year old, I can never keep track of flashlights (I am buying one today and keeping it under my bed, where no one knows, from now on). So I just lay in my bed that night wondering how I was going to take care of my baby when he woke up and needed to eat. We sleep in the basement and, really, it is pitch black in the middle of the night. I was really stressed about the situation and found that I was getting worked up and unable to sleep. I let myself do that for a while before I finally humbled myself and turned to my Father in Heaven. I explained how stressful this was to me and that I needed to be able to feed my baby and I also needed to be able to relax and go back to sleep. I begged for his help. I don't remember how long it took, but it wasn't long before I was back to sleep. Heavenly Father had answered my prayer. And then I was woken up to the familiar little squeal again and knew that the power was back on. The baby hadn't woken up yet to eat, so all was well. Soon enough the baby woke up and I was able to take care of him and attend to his needs. What a sweet answer to my prayer, my heart was FULL of gratitude.

The wonderful part of this story is that is doesn't end there. In Sacrament Meeting on Sunday, a young man was giving a talk. He was telling about how he likes to play computer games at night and was doing so the other night. His father came in and invited him to study scriptures. He said that he would be there in a little while (he was still busy with his game). His father checked with him several times and finally the spirit spoke to him and he knew he needed to get off the computer and go to his father. Guess what happened just then, the power went out! Guess what that did to the computer? (hee hee) Guess what that young man then did with his father. I love how the Lord works in our lives, I love that that young man had just really come to understand how important it was to go study, and I love that Lord allowed him that time he needed to come to that decision on his own.

The Lord loves us more than we can understand. He knows it is best for us if we can come to these understandings on our own, so He will grant us every opportunity to do that. Sometimes we don't ever come to those understandings on our own and we need more intervention - referred to as "being compelled to be humbled". It is so much better for all of us if we can come to Him on our own, with our own desire to be closer to Him and more obedient to His commandments. I am so grateful for His patience in allowing us to do just that.

18 years, 10 months and 16 days ... but who's counting?

2008-08-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

I think our Stake President said the absolute worst thing he could have said to me in my fairly post partum state. We had the priviledge of hearing the mission report for a young man from our ward who served an excellent mission. We have been in this ward for 9 and a half years, so he was just starting Young Men's when we first met him. He is a great kid from a great family and even though it was a little bit rocky, he travelled the road less travelled and served a mission for the LDS Church. He shared some wonderful experiences and the spirit was strong. Having served a mission myself, every time I hear a missionary report, I just am drawn back into those wonderful memories (ok - maybe they aren't ALL memorable - but the experience itself was life changing and I would go back in a flash if I had it all to do over again). After this young man finished his talk, the Stake President took a few moments to talk about the experiences he is having as a Stake President working with these missionaries as they come and go. It is one of his favorite responsibilities, and who can blame him. The spirit a missionary carries with him or her is strong and can be felt by anyone in their presence - they are set apart to be the Lord's representatives and that mantle is very real. The Stake President went on in his comments to let us know that missions are absolutely divinely appointed. He explained that just as these boys are getting to the point where, as parents, we just don't know what to do with them, the Lord tells us that we can send them to Him. He will take them for the next two years and use them to do His work. He will mold them and shape them and turn them into the strong, diligent men they are meant to be. So, as I sat in that meeting, tears rolling from my eyes, drenched in the overwhelming peace and beauty of the spirit, I looked down at my lovely little baby, cuddled in my arms and sleeping so peacefully. Really? Someday I will be sending him out into the world, completely trusting in the Lord and His work? That brought more tears, but they were accompanied by the peace the spirit brings when a truth is being taught directly to your heart. I know I can send him, I've been there and I wouldn't ever want to deny him that growth and that opportunity to find his spiritual brothers and sisters. So, as of today, only 18 years, 10 months and 16 days until that blessed 19th birthday. I'm not really keeping track, but I will start saving up now and, more importantly, doing everything I can to help him be prepared to accept that calling from the Lord.

Now, as for his older brother, of course all of this applies to him, too. In fact, his countdown is 15 years, 9 months and 2 days. Although I was cuddling my little newborn at the time (the three year old was in fits with his daddy), my thoughts were turned to both of them, they are my sweet hearts and my love for them is stronger than I can even describe.