Yesterday was one of those days that went from okay to bad to really good to mad to complacent. And if I weren't so slow to learn, I am pretty sure that I could have stuck with the really good for the rest of the day. But, due to my own choices, it didn't happen that way.
Yesterday I had a few things happen in the morning where people were less than kind, that got me in a bad mood. Then something happened that was really bad and put me in a really bad place. I felt very alone, very unloved and almost hopeless. I wondered why it seemed that no one out there (minus my wonderful family) couldn't seem to have anything nice to say or do for me that day. Yes, I was having a huge pity party. I knew I didn't want to spend the day like this so I just had a constant prayer in my heart that someone out there could be nice to me. That's all I wanted and felt like I needed, one kind gesture.
We went to run a few errands and I kind of got busy and tried to forgot about everything. Then it happened, someone pulled me aside and talked to me. She is a friend of my sister's that I have met just a few times, but she remembered me and stopped me to chat. She was very friendly and kind and my heart started to lighten. As I left that conversation, I needed to hurry to the cashier to pay so that I could go and pick up the girls from school. Turns out I went to the nicest cashier that store has ever seen. She smiled, asked me how I was, helped me cheerfully and then added a very kind, "Have a nice day" as I gathered my things and left. My heart lightened even more, then as I left the store, a young mother and her daughter that were coming in just smiled and said "Hi" to us. So sweet, so simple and such an answer to prayers. The heaviness of the day had lifted and I was filled with hope and sweetness.
A great way to finish out the day!
Too bad I couldn't trust Heavenly Father enough to just leave it at that. I returned home and ended up calling up all the yucky feelings of the day, reporting them to others and, in my own little spoiled way, seeking their pity. I received it. I gathered in lots of pity, my hurt feelings were very well justified and I was able to gather tons of support. And did I feel any better? No, things were worse. Anger started filling my heart and hopelessness joined in.
I had been given a wonderful gift from Heavenly Father, and I embraced in and was very grateful for it. But somehow, I still had to trade this wonderful gift from heaven for earthly condolences. I traded hope and happiness for anger and justification. I don't think that was a very good trade. I hope I can do better, and I hope Heavenly Father will give me more chances. I hope He won't look at me and see that I have squandered some of the sweet gifts He has given me and not be so willing to help me in the future. I hope the sorrow I feel in my heart for not trusting Him enough will help me to be a stronger person.
I think I understand the scripture about seeking treasures from Heaven and knowing where your heart REALLY is even better today. I hope I can change.
I hope I will learn.
